WOWMOM

i am sorry mom

i put you through pain

i brought you mistakes

i rejected you

i hurt you

i am disrespectful

i am ungrateful

i forget

i don't listen

i lie

i could use a bath right now...

gettin' paypaaaa

Funneh

Stick A Needle In My Eye

GUESS WHAT. There is a new thing wrong with me, and it gets better, it's on my face. For months now I have been trying and trying to get rid of these white bumps around my eyes. There is nothing like a one little grain-of-rice-sized imperfection to set me off. I have done research and concluded that they are called milia and are fucking annoying. Most people recommend going to a dermatologist to get them removed but that takes time and money. Websites say that you can remove them yourself with a needle, but it can prove to be to painful. Maybe I'm just a whimp (ok, I'm a huge whimp) but in my opinion its extremely painful. As much as it pains me also to have the thought in the back of my mind that i know they are always there on my face, I can't find the courage to stab my face with a needle (maybe you would call that smart, not stabbing your face with a needle that is). Not to mention they are right next to my eye and I very well may get a needle in my eye if I'm not careful.

here you guys go. I tried to take a picture of myself where maybe you could see the bumps, but they don't come out well in any of the pictures I took. Well if you squint you may be able to see the two little bumps on my left eye at the inner corner, but i dunno. you probably are thinking I am making a mountain out of a mole hill which i sort of am, but they truly are there! I wouldn't make this up.

There are too many things too count that I could find wrong with myself. I think my nose is too big:

I am on the right.

See, see what I mean? maybe you do, or maybe you would say there is nothing to worry about, or maybe frankly, you don't give a damn. I am trying to learn not to obsess about the little things but it's hard. I almost killed myself (yes I am very serious) over things like this. I am not crazy, well not like psycho, but I just tend to have a very addictive personality, criticizing myself and trying to correct it became an addiction. Maybe what I am talking about doesn't make any sense right now but I will do my best to explain later, because it's a story for a whole other time. until then I will try to find the beauty in myself that makes me proud, and to anyone who comes across this i wish you the same. If you are completely confident with yourself then I admire you, if your not then I suggest go listening to that eminem song, "beautiful", because it is so true.

You are beautiful, cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye :)

Ghostland Observatory

The Block Party on Capitol Hill in Seattle is coming up on the 22nd and I'm excited to see Ghostland Observatory. Tv On the Radio will also be there which is pretty cool also if you like them, but I'm just not a huge fan of them. If you don't know Ghostland Observatory you need to check out these songs by them:

My Ideal Guy

Ooh how I have a thing for you emo boys. You have give off this insanely irresistible bad boy vibe that I find just intoxicating. I have never gone for the jock type. For some reason while all my friends gawked at the most muscularly beefy guy in school, I found that those skinny little nerds hit a chord in my heart that makes me crazy for them. It is so odd, but to me the weak looking skin and bone guys are too cute for me to pass up. They seem so vulnerable; but match that harmless looking boy with an insatiable lust for mischief and you have got me head over heels. It could also could be something to do with that hair of their's as well. Because I think I have an insane hair fetish. So... Because in my moments of complete despairing boredom, I have collected quiet a collection of emo, scene and goth boys I have found on where else but, google. Allow me to show you what i mean: